Share your story of reconciling your bi-cultural heritage and seeking authenticity, anonymously. Email it to priamba6@gmail.com. You may find that sharing is cathartic and healing. You may also find support and connection. I will make certain that there is nothing to identify you (unless you state otherwise).

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Microfinance is an innovative type of charity allowing effective improvement in the lives of many needy people in some of the most destitute areas of the world.

One way to get involved in the concept is through The International Alliance for Women (TIAW). TIAW is an umbrella network of women’s organizations designed to support the economic interests of women around the world. Microlending is used to provide small loans to poor entrepreneurs – if appropriate for TIAW since most microloans are for women. They are denied access to sources of credit that men have access to.
With the loans, women are not only able to add new items to sell but be able to collectively buy in bulk from wholesale distributors, saving time and money.

A typical microlending arrangement is a village bank. Through this, a small group of women are given individual loans. They are then jointly responsible for repayment. The repayment rate has been 95%, making microfinance a successful form of development aid. Microfinance allows the funds to go directly to the hands of needy entrepreneurs rather than bureaucrats, increasing its effectiveness and power.

Source: The Denver Post

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With my children on Mother's Day

I’ve thought about this role in my life considerably, particularly as I became a mother myself for the second time around to my now 2 1/2 year-old daughter. I have not experienced actual “mothering” from a mother for the majority of my adult life. This prompted me to be more independent and find ways to mother myself, which I feel we all have to learn to do eventually.

I have not actually seen my mother since 1994. She has lived in India and will be making a trip to my home on the 17th for three weeks. We have been talking on the phone since my father’s passing in December of 2008 (while I was 7 months pregnant). I sent pictures and she sent presents for all of us. I look forward to connecting at some level and hope the visit goes well. I am glad that my children will get to meet her and my husband will get proof that I actually do have relatives!

At the same time, I am aware of barriers – one as a result of my family moving to the US in 1976. As the youngest of 4 and only 7 at the time, I identified with the American culture increasingly as part of my identity. I was encouraged to speak English and that had the eventual result of my not having enough practice speaking my native language. To this day, my mother speaks in my native language and I respond in English. I am aware of the limitations in this process. I question some of the vocabulary I want to use and in essence what I am able to communicate. This alone prevents a depth of closeness as I feel handicapped in being fully myself and conveying all that I am and my life.

I am grateful for being able to provide complete mothering to my children and plan to try the rest of my life. I want to make certain no barriers are erected and that I am able to evolve my mothering according to their needs at different ages, even if I have to hold myself back (perhaps a lot at times, as I’m experiencing with my teen occasionally).

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Curried Quinoa

I sauteed some red onion and a little chili pepper in coconut oil with cumin seeds, asafoetida, turmeric, and chopped ginger. I added a can of diced tomatoes and chickpeas. I threw in some chopped spinach from the yard for more nutrition. I let this cook and added it to the cooked quinoa, which I had made in the rice cooker just like rice – 2 parts water to 1 part quinoa.

It satisfied my family, and most importantly, my picky toddler.

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I love reading books by South Asian authors so I asked my local librarian to find me more. She was not able to, as it’s a complicated search. However, when I walked over to the fiction area, “The Way Things Look to Me” by Roopa Farooki was the first book I noticed. How ironic! That is the way I’ve come across many of the books I’ve read.

Roopa’s story recounts the lives of 3 South Asian siblings who are now adults living in England. There are 2 sisters and a brother that looks after the youngest, who grapples with Autism. It was peculiar timing for me to read this story recently, as I was in the process of having my daughter evaluated for Autism. I was given the diagnosis while still reading it. I tried to compare the descriptions of what was described of the disorder with my own experience, although the comparison was between an adult fictional character and my toddler.

At first, I wasn’t sure about the flow of the book, since the voice is changed from one character to another, as we follow the character’s intertwined lives. The characters distinguished well from one another, though there could have been more description to visualize them better. I’m not certain why some information was provided later rather than earlier, such as an explanation of what had become of their parents.

Some memorable lines from the story:
“He wishes that Mum and Dad and everybody who ever meant anything to them could all be there, sitting at the table with them, having tea, holding their hands, inhabiting a world filled with those who have chosen life, with all its unfairness and lunatic irrationality, with all its endless potential for happiness and hope.”

“I have learned that you have to be courageous to live, because living can be something that is very complicated, especially if you are alone…..And I can be courageous too; I can choose life.”

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On our Indian adventure

For most of us, the trips were less about touring the country and more about hanging out with relatives and/or religious pilgrimages. We did both, and both bored me. I wanted to explore and see the country and I didn’t enjoy being uncomfortable on the pilgrimages and then not have the end objective explained to me. I ended up feeling more like an ignored, resentful accessory. I particularly remember being hot while walking in the desert, just wanting something cold and perhaps a treat. But golly, we were on an important pilgrimage! So comfort and enjoyment were not a factor.

I vowed to do things different as an adult. My kids would understand everything that was going on, it would have meaning for them, and they would be comfortable and enjoying themselves. In 2007, when my son, Colin, was nine, I took him on his first trip to India. We toured like crazy, sampling different locales daily on average. It was grueling, and he was the only one to not get sick.

I prepared my son and husband in advance on how the trip would be an adventure and not necessarily relaxing. We would be getting the obligatory “golden triangle” including the Taj Mahal out of the way, since it seemed important to include it in the first sampling tour of India. I advised that once we got a taste of some different places, we could focus on one during a future trip. The plan did work out from this angle – we ended up agreeing that Kerala would be a worthy place of focus in the future.

We would be going from North to South, something I had not done before. My family is from Rajasthan and that was primarily the area I had experience with – a wonderful area that many stereotypical images of India are from. I would be seeing the South for the first time with the rest of my family. I was a fish out of water like them since I could not rely on my functional use of Hindi like in the rest of the country.

We had gone in the Winter, so going towards the Himalayas was not much of an option. We decided on a future trip in the summer when we could go in that direction and visit some mountain towns. It will include my daughter Maya when she is old enough to appreciate where she is and be able to handle the adventure (and us her).

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Pakoras

I mentioned I would make these and post on my site to a gal on my Facebook page for “Raising Vegetarian Kids,” so here it is:

1 cup chickpea flour
1/2 teaspoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground turmeric
1/2 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon garam masala
2 cloves garlic, crushed
3/4 cup water
1 quart oil for deep frying
1/2 head cauliflower florets
2 onions, sliced into rings

Directions

Sift the chickpea flour into a medium bowl. Mix in the coriander, salt, turmeric, chili powder, garam masala and garlic.
Make a well in the center of the flower. Gradually pour the water into the well and mix to form a thick, smooth batter.
Over medium high heat in a large, heavy saucepan, heat the oil to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
Coat the cauliflower and onions in the batter and fry them in small batches until golden brown, about 4 to 5 minutes. Drain on paper towels before serving.

I used a very small amount of oil to shallow-fry. Other vegetables can also be used, as desired. I used sweet potato. Try using eggplant slices and consider them for veggie burgers! I have even used the pakora batter for chili rellenos! They were crispy, like my husband and I like.

* Note: if you like spicy food, you could add more chili pepper or diced green chili to the batter

Source: Vegetable Pakoras (All Recipes)

Related posts:

1. Healing Spices Most people in India are aware of the healing effects...

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When we are “American Born Confused Desis” or even become “American Born Confident Desis,” how do we reconcile past cultural expectations of us with our quest to be our own empowered authentic women? Do expectations of our upbringing fit with our quest to be true to ourselves or do we have to make adjustments? If so, what are they?

Are there women who think about or struggle with this or do they experience a seamless process? I would think that even without a different cultural heritage, women may grapple with this issue, particularly in light of institutions such as marriage. Marriage hasn’t always been the place for female empowerment. Indeed, many women have had to make black and white choices – either be married or not.

How do women find happiness in the “grey area?” Possibly they take one day at a time, where they must navigate the waters of self-denial and self-respect. It is a body of water that men do not normally have had to wade in much. Perhaps this itself creates a level of divide between the genders?

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Uppama

Uppama is normally eaten for breakfast, perhaps with coconut chutney on the side, but can also be eaten for lunch or dinner. It can also be used as a stuffing for vegetables like tomatoes and green peppers, which I plan to try. The recipe is adapted from Madhur Jaffrey’s “World of the East Vegetarian Cooking.”

Semolina – 1.5 cups

Ghee – 1 T + ½ tsp

Oil – 1 T

Mustard seeds – 1 tsp

Urad dal – 1 tsp (optional)

Channa dal/split garbanzo beans – 1 T

Curry leaves – 5 to 6

Dried red chillies – 2 broken into pieces (use the seeds please)

Cashew nuts – 1 T, roughly chopped (optional)

Asafoetida – 1/8th tsp

Water – 3 cups

1/2 cup diced onion

1 cup mixed vegetables

Salt – 1 tsp or to taste

Coconut – 1 T, grated

* Heat 1 T of ghee in a sauté pan and sauté the semolina until it slightly changes color.
* Transfer the semolina to a plate
* Heat oil in the same sauté pan and when the oil is hot, add mustard seeds, urad dal, channa dal, curry leaves, chillies, cashew nuts and asafoetida.
* When the channa dal starts changing color, add onion and saute for a few minutes. Add mixed vegetables (or other vegetable(s), coconut and salt.
* Slowly stir in the semolina while continuing to stir with the other hand, alternating with water.
* Reduce the heat to medium low. All the water will be absorbed. Cover the pan with a lid and let it cook for roughly 3-4 minutes

Great with a side of Indian pickle and plain yogurt!

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spices

The author of Healing Spices, Bharat B. Aggarwal, states that there are 50 spices that may help prevent or heal particular diseases or conditions. For instance, cooked bay leaf releases antioxidants and is a natural medicine for arthritis, cancer, ulcer, mosquito bites and wounds. He points out to look for whole, dark, and larger leaves.

Cumin has been considered to “be as effective as an anti-diabetes drug in controlling diabetes in lab rats.” It can also protect bones and prevent food poisoning. “Agarwal recommends buying cumin as whole seeds rather than ground.”

Ginger and garlic is normally found in most Indian dishes and also has medicinal properties such as enhancing our immune system. Other uncommon beneficial spices include lemongrass, nutmeg and thyme.

It’s good to know that in addition to enhancing the flavor of our foods, spices can be a natural source of healing.

Source: USA Weekend, my column

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